A Day Alone
My family moved around a lot because of my dads job but from the age of 10 through 18 I lived in Ottawa. We lived along the Rideau River and close to all of the biking trails we could hope for. A short ride down neighbourhood streets and you were there. The trail would take you along the Ottawa Canal into town, or up to Dows Lake and the Experimental Farm with a big loop. In the summer I’d get on my bike – often on my own – and bike for hours.
Looking back, I realize those long afternoons weren't simply about riding my bike. They were my first experience of being completely content in my own company.
I don’t recall ever feeling lonely. I have vivid memories of hopping off my Sekine 10 speed bike and lying on the grass gazing at the deep blue sky and puffy white old fashioned clouds, or racing imagery opponents, hair blowing in the hot summer wind.
For two years when I was in my mid-teens my parents purchased summer memberships for me to for the local lawn bowling and tennis club. My friend Alexis had a membership as well and we would spend hours playing tennis and swimming in the pool. There were many times though that she wasn’t there with me and I recall hours on my own of hitting the tennis ball at the back practice area or lounging by the pool.
My creative, wandering mind has always loved the freedom to drift in and out of different thoughts. But as my teenage years gave way to adulthood—as most would probably agree—that carefree space to simply be became harder and harder to find.
As children, long summer afternoons stretched out before us with nowhere in particular to be. As adults, an entire day alone can become something rare enough to notice.
Back in Winlaw I did have quite a bit of time on my own. Steve would go to work and except for teaching yoga my other “jobs” were solitary – cleaning the vacation rental and managing the day to day chores on the 5-acre property. My closest friends and I would get together and meditate and then go to the café but especially in the summer I had time to jump on my bike and ride to the local swimming hole on the Slocan River. I remember the first few times I’d bike on my own there I almost forgot how to just be. I’d fidget and feel out of synch some how. It surprised me. I had once spent entire afternoons happily alone, yet somewhere between childhood and adulthood I'd forgotten how. It took a few visits before my nervous system seemed to remember.
It occurred to me the other day that I have not spent any significant amount of time alone since the time we left Winlaw. I hadn't noticed it happening. Life had simply become full. When we first arrived we were having fun exploring the area. We also had so many essential tasks to do to get set up in a new province. And then I started working.
Today is my first day alone in just over 3 months! Steve’s back to work and I have a day off! Despite fighting a summer cold it’s been a nice introspective day. I went for a walk at our favourite spot up the road and these thoughts of alone time floated through my head. Memories of when I was a kid, summer time, freedom, riding a bike and lifting my feet off the pedals as I coasted down winding trails.
Being alone can be scary or uncomfortable at times but so essential to be able to just be in a way that we can’t with others even with those that we love and want to spend time with! Perhaps that's why solitude matters so much. Not because we want to escape life, but because it gives us the space to return to ourselves.
